last night i dreamed that i had accidentally left a window wide open in my always-dirty-but-thankfully-bright apartment. i was in the same home that i tumble around in for this year of my real life, however, in the dream my shanty had been transplanted to a much bigger and bulkier city. there were roiling waves of endless grey concrete buildings and tall skyscrapers with pointy hats. there were some trees for balance, but everything looked so muddy. i don’t know if grey is the proper non-colour description or if sepia fits better. i’ve never felt confident with how to properly pronounce ‘sepia’ so i’ve always avoided saying it aloud in conversation.
onward: in this dream, i’m living in a much bigger city but in the comfort of my familiar home. i am looking outside through the kitchen window and into the murky blocks that make a bustle. the screen had been removed from the kitchen window without my knowledge. jiggy, the badass princess cat of the house, takes a flying leap without a shred of hesitation into the urban jungle below. for some reason my otherwise squat apartment sits miles high above the power lines. my heart jumps into my throat and then manages to roll into my mouth as my eyes follow jiggy’s descent. she leaps, funny paws splayed, from rooftop to rooftop. she bounds from window sill to back deck and circles her trail again. she runs like the dickens. suddenly: a live wire loose from a power pole snaps out from the smog and whips my little baby until she sizzles. i watch her twitch and fall from the sky into who-knows-where below.
hysterical and sickened, i reel into some kind of mad run around the apartment trying to figure out what to do next. i can’t leave little jig’s limp fluff outside to be swept away by the careless push-and-shove. i can’t stomach the idea of going to find her in a sad, lightless heap. strangers in my house (why are there strangers in my house?) encourage me to find the little one so that we may host a proper farewell ceremony to celebrate her short and mischievous life. so i put on my raincoat and am led to block after spinning block of confusion. the street signs are nowhere to be found, so i simply look everywhere until my legs are aching violently and my rubber boots are puddled with blood. i thought i could figure out jiggy’s whereabouts on foot. i was wrong and i am disappointed and my chest hurts and my whole soul is churning with regret. eventually i conclude that whatever life left in her convinced her to slink into a private nook for her last heavy breaths. chilled, damp, bloodied and oddly comforted, i trudge home.
when i come home, i need a small space for comfort. i try curling on my bed with pillows all around me like a feathered fence and that doesn’t feel right. i try sitting in-between chairs or under the kitchen table but nothing feels enclosed enough. i settle on rolling under my bed for some darkness and quietude. as i wriggle my way through the blanket curtain that dangles above me, i spy a grey and brown furball, wide-eyed and breathless, simply sitting and panting underneath my futon. jiggy and i made eye contact and she just burns a hole through me as she pants and my face swells up and turns purple and all of the ugly tears sprout, springing from my eye sockets. we lay awkwardly underneath my bed like old friends who didn’t really know how to speak to one another anymore.
the dream then warped into a kind-of sugary-sweet kitty roll-around playday hayday. we rumpled in blankets and lemmi joined in and they played with their favorite dinky car. the window was closed and the city stayed grey and mucky but we were a tumbleweed of fur and hair and smiles and little paws. then cassie came home and asked me who had thought to bring jiggy home? how did they know where she lived and how to get in? should we be concerned that there’s a good-deed kitty-rescuer on the loose who might decide to rape us since he definitely knows how to access our apartment? we should probably freak out about this.
i woke up to jiggy stomping on my belly and chest and alternating between licking my nose and punching me in the face with her head. best alarm clock that’s ever broken my heart.